Tag Archives: change

Open Letter To My Younger Self

I have become a fan of The Players’ Tribune. A couple of my favorite essays are from Danny Woodhead and Ray Allen. (Not to mention the recent essay from Isaiah Thomas, but his doesn’t fit this blog theme). Danny and Ray write a letter to their younger selves. I wrote a blog similar to this idea, “Staying True To My Younger Self,” but it focused on my writing.

I’ll turn 46 in a few weeks. And this thought about what advice I would give my younger self keeps storming my heart. So, I thought I would get the idea out onto paper…

Dear Younger Me,

It is amazing to think that I am just over the halfway mark of this life. The first half seemed to take so long to happen, all the change and growth and heartache that has occurred in these 46 years is crazy to think about. But, the years seem to be gaining speed, and life is going by way too fast. The oldest son is a junior in high school and the youngest daughter just turned four. I have had five different professional positions. We have a minivan with almost 100,000 miles and still a few months to pay it off!

Be ready, you are going to need to work on a few things. This letter is going to be tough to write, I hope you understand it when you read it.

First, forgive them. Everyone. Do it now because if you don’t, each day adds weight to your heart and it becomes harder to forgive. In fact I still haven’t. I can’t seem to let go of the pain and disappointment and the what ifs. Ironically, part of the problem is the work you will do to create a better life for yourself and your family. I’m not father or husband of the year, but the dinner table is often filled with laughter. There are hugs and bedtime stories. Movie nights with too much candy and simple moments of joy that take my breath away. But I haven’t forgiven certain people. You know who I mean, so forgive them as soon as you can. You can still live your own life without them, but your heart won’t be burden with the weight of anger and pain.

Second, I hope you read this in time, but don’t quit football. Don’t make that mistake. It will be your greatest regret.  Also, write more, push to become the writer you have always dreamed of since elementary school.  I’ve learned that the door of opportunity only stays open for so long before it closes. And when you choose to close that door, it can get locked and you have to let a dream die. Football. Other dreams can still be achieved. Writing. But you have to find an unlocked window to climb through. And sometimes that window is on the forty third floor. You have to struggle more than if you would have truly pursue your goals when the door was open.

Third, tell people thank you and that you love them. Let them in. Not everyone. But the people who are helping you, sometimes believing in you when you are not. You might think you will have time, but you won’t. Mr. Holt will pass away before you can tell him thank you for believing in you. There are others, like the Hudsons, Scott, and Mrs. Lane, who you will take for granted while you grow up. Let them know you are grateful, today. “Thank you,” might be the hardest thing to say in life because it reveals how you were affected by someone else.  For that moment you allowed someone into your life with an open heart and you are letting them know that by saying thank you.

And finally, stay true to who you are. I know you will do this at times, you will make hard choices because deep down you listened to the quiet but strong voice. Other times you will feel lost and hurt and wonder why life is so dark. That happens when you lose your focus, when you let others decide your future. Your path will be clearer if you continue to make choices that align with who you are (and what your goals are).

You are going to make it. At the halfway mark of life you will be amazed at how far you’ve come (and that you have driven two minivans as a dad). It won’t be easy, but I hope you take my advice so that when you arrive here you would have experienced more joy than heartache. But even if you don’t take my advice, you will look ahead to the second half of your life and you will know, even though the years are speeding up, that they will be filled with love.

                                                                                             Sincerely

                                                                                              You at 45

P.S. Remember this song?

 

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Part I: Definition

Title with dictionary page

There are 97 words for Love in Sanskrit. Each revealing a specific kind of love, like passion or motherly. In the English language we  tend to use the word Love to mean lots of different things. We have 22 definitions according to Dictionary.com of the word Love.

For this series I think it is important to create a definition to work from for the deeper and more abstract ideas I will share in future posts. Now, this has not been easy. I wanted a direct and clear definition that would allow me to expand my answer. So after many edits and rewrites I have decided to use the following definition for the bases of this series.


Love: the choice to care about a person, thing or idea, and to act accordingly.


I understand that your definition might be different. And I know this does not encompass all the possible ways that our society uses the word Love. But it is a good definition to build my answer for the upcoming posts.

Let me spend a moment explaining my definition.

Choice

First, there is a magical aspect of love, especially romantic love, but I will write about that later. For this definition choice is the first component. Love is more than feelings. We can choose our actions, our words, and the way we interact with this life.

Care

As an English teacher I knew not to use the word in the definition, so I decided on the word care. This is an umbrella word that allows me to be specific with examples but will transfer well to other examples for you, the reader. I might care about a person’s development, or care about my goals, or care that my child is afraid of the storm.

To Act

Here is the crutch of it all. To act. To practice what I preach. Not easy, but that is for a future post in this series. For now, the most important aspect of this definition is the action, whether it is in thought, belief, or physical behavior, action is important.

Now that I have developed a working definition, the next post will start to specifically answer the question: Why Love?

Share your definition of Love in the comment section or on Twitter with me.

 

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Road Closed

RoadClosedLife doesn’t always give us a sign like the one above. Life will provide us with events that make us feel like we cannot go any further down a certain path. That everything has changed. That the road is closed. Yet, any road closing will have an alternate route, sometimes just a city block other times it can be miles. But after sometime we are back on our familiar path heading for our destination. Don’t let a change in your path keep you from reaching your goals. Even though alternate routes usually take longer, they can have beautiful scenery. And you will make it to your destination, just maybe not as you planned.

 

 

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Different Road

Designed at PicLit.com

Routine isn’t bad.  It provides a sense of security and understanding on how life works.  My children do better when we keep to a routine.  Even in my classroom, I noticed when I arranged my desk in rows there were less issues to deal with.  The sun comes up, the sun goes down; nature has its routine.

But all routines have a beginning and an end.  As my kids grow their routines change.  The desks in my room had to move to fit different lessons.  The time when the sun rises and sun sets change everyday.

When do we change?

Why don’t we change?

The first iPad sold on September 17, 2010 (just two years ago).  In the ESU 10 area we have at least eight schools with 1-to-1 iPad programs this year and at least another five looking at going to 1-to-1 programs next year.  Not to mention all the schools that have iPad labs. iPads are just an example of the rapid shift happening right now in our world. There is change happening in schools, but we are still driving on the same road.

We have been on this road for so long that we don’t even consider pulling over at a rest stop. We put the school on cruise control and head toward graduation.  Even if there is construction, or a bad storm, we have always arrived at our destination.

Courtesy of Flickr user Jared Zimmerman.

 

But there are many roads we can take.  And reasons to take them.  The first step to change is recognizing that the road we are on may not be the best one for us.

Because I am afraid the kids are sleeping in the back to pass the time…

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